Tiny Human Steps
by rawpotato
Summary: An on-call room. Callie and Arizona. Truth sharing. No cure for headaches. Sorry. Just a short little one-shot at a scene that I needed to see, and hopefully you'll enjoy the possibility as well. Reviews are much appreciated.


_A/N: I love TV. Like, deep in my soul, yearn for it love. Perhaps it's the romance. Perhaps it's the inherent sensationalism. Or, most likely, it's because I use it as a crutch against real, actual emotion._

_We'll never really know._

_What I think it actually is, however, is the possibility. There's always possibility. Even if you can't see it, the show must go on._

_Over the last week or so, I've been reading a lot of Calzona. With that horrendous (but Oh. My. God.) return (and the door shutting. Just right in her face. Just shut... anyways) I needed something to lift my spirits and do more than further my pain. While I appreciate every effort, and I do, no one, to my knowledge, has given any possibility to our beloved Callie and Arizona._

_So this is my contribution. Hopefully, for now, possibility will suffice until January. If not, well, I'll just keep feeling heartbroken. I hope no one else is suffering as I am._

_Strive for possibility, and hopefully, life will be right once again._

_Happy hunting, rawpotato._

_

* * *

_

Coming back had been a bad idea. Like a phenomenally bad idea. Leaving, the way she had, had been a bad idea, but coming back had been a really bad idea. Not in a I'm-gonna-die-because-this-was-the-worst-idea-ever kind of way, but a gut wrenching, heart breaking, why-did-I-leave-in-the-first-place bad idea kind of way.

She really needed to stop analyzing all the bad 'kind of ways' that this had been, and start concentrating on getting some rest. Sighing, Arizona Robbins unceremoniously flopped herself on to the bed in the on-call room and waited for rest to find her.

Okay, so not all of coming back had been a bad idea. Teddy and her husband, not something that she really wanted to touch, but he was dying and he also gave Teddy that special smile that internet dating failed to put there. Her kids in Peds smiling and laughing, and glad to have her back, the nurse and other staff in Peds also happy to have her back. Everyone, with one minor exception seemed glad to have her back.

Even Mark Sloan, who Arizona had been sure would side with Calliope, had given her a cursory hug and smile, though they did have sushi that one time. She even got past the quick boob glance, but she suspected that the quickness of the glance had more to do with Lexie Grey coming up behind her, than actual respect from the man. Not that she could blame him much, apparently she had good boobs. Which she was inclined to agree with. She was hot. Like, awesomely hot.

Except now. She was still chilled from the proverbial cold shoulder, literal door shutting in her face, and she couldn't seem to shake the feeling that cold was all she was going to feel from now on. Not that she could blame Callie. Leaving on the plane had nearly killed her from the pain, to have been left in the middle of a crowded airport after having the fight that they had had, to have been abandoned... She couldn't even imagine.

She could, she just didn't want to. Perky was her middle name, and imagining bad things was... not perky. So, she didn't blame her. Oh yeah, she was mad, who wouldn't be after a door got shut in their face, but she didn't blame her. Except it was the way the door didn't slam. It just... closed. Like she wasn't worth the effort slamming would have required, that slamming the door would have made too large a statement. Like just shutting it didn't make a statement. What that statement was, Arizona wasn't sure. She didn't speak door shutting.

At least fluently.

At the moment she started pondering her lack of skills in the fluency in the art of door closing, the door to the on-call room opened, and closed.

Normally she would have kept her eyes shut, waiting for sleep to find her in these overused sheets, but something about that particular open and shut made her open her eyes.

"Callie." It was more question than statement as she slowly raised herself to a sitting position to look more fully at the Latina woman who was determinedly not looking at her. God, she was beautiful. With her soft caramel skin, and wavy, midnight hair, deep chocolate eyes, even if they weren't directed at her, showing every emotion that her ex-lover was feeling. And the way that she was worrying her bottom lip between her teeth was nearly Arizona's undoing, but she just couldn't stop looking at her.

Since her less than triumphant, and heart breaking return two weeks ago this was the most time that they had spent together, and the blond just stared at her, drinking in the sight of the woman who had spent the last fourteen days avoiding her.

She hadn't even been aware that she was smiling before Callie spoke. "No. You don't get to smile at me." The words were said on a monotone, and Arizona took quick care to arrange her face into an appropriately somber face to match the look that was currently gracing Callie's. Then on a whisper from the woman, Arizona nearly smiled as the words 'friggen' and 'dimples' were mumbled.

"Move over." She said suddenly moving towards her quickly.

"What?" she asked taken back, a little bit of panic creeping into her heart.

"Move over." The brunette said again, waving her hands and sitting on the bed. "We are going to lay on this bed, holding each other, because I said so. So... lay down, and hold me."

More confused than ever, Arizona had no choice but to do as she was told as Callie had crossed the room and pulled her into her arms and laid them down. Their bodies still fit together perfectly and as they settled together it was a position that Arizona couldn't help but feel as if she were coming home.

"No." Callie said in her monotone again. "You don't get to be happy about this."

"Okay." She replied, once again trying to control herself.

"You just..."

"Okay." She said again, not at all able to control herself, but once again reforming her face to the somber expression that Callie had deemed appropriate.

"Okay." The monotone was gone, and Arizona loved the warmth that she could hear in Callie's voice.

Arizona sighed, with relief or happiness, and settled herself against Callie, letting the warmth of their touching bodies relax her. It was a position that she was familiar with, and had grown to love. Her head rested on Callie's chest tucked into the crevice of the taller woman's neck and chin, her soft, even breaths playing across her hair, and lulling her into a stupor of sleep and happiness. Even now, when she wasn't supposed to be happy. She loved being wrapped in Callie's long arms, the feel of her hands fisted in the back of her clothes, holding tight, like Callie never wanted to let her go. The way their legs fit together, and their feet became entangled and the rest of the world seemed to melt away as they lay together.

Arizona didn't know how much time had passed since they got here, and as the steady rhythm of Callie's heart beat beneath her cheek, and her lungs were filled with the way Callie smelled, a million confessions came to her mind, but she wasn't sure what she was allowed to do. So she asked.

"Can I say something?"

Callie sighed against her head. "As long as it doesn't contain the words 'awesome' or 'sorry'."

The snort of a giggle that came from her lips was not as smooth as she wished it would have been, but she was able to reel it in enough to ask, "Seriously?"

"Seriously." The Latina dead panned back.

"Awe-" She was cut off with a warning huff. "Okay."

"Okay." Arizona was beginning to wonder when her ex-lover had become so short with her words. Usually the woman could talk a mile a minute, and it was something that she couldn't get enough of from the Latina.

"Of all the things I left behind... I missed this the most." It wasn't exactly the truth about the universe, but it was a start.

"Cuddling?" The taller woman asked, her arms tightening a little.

"No." Arizona had been afraid that the grip around her waist would be loosened with her answer, but her fears proved unfounded as Callie still held her tight.

"The sex?" Arizona almost laughed at the question, but held herself in check. She still wasn't sure if she was allowed to be happy.

"No."

"Hey!"

"I did miss that." She hastened to add, as Callie's voice had increased in volume, "A lot. But still... no."

"Then what, Arizona?"

"The way you smell."

Callie snorted with laughter, which elicited a giggle of her own, and Arizona burrowed her head deeper into Callie, inhaling the scent. "Seriously?" She asked, once again with a touch of laughter.

"Seriously." The blonde replied honestly, wrapping her own arm tighter around her cuddle buddies waist.

"What do you mean?"

She was inclined to shoot for straight honesty, having long ago learned that Callie preferred honesty rather than lies. "I cried myself to sleep a lot. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing, and it wasn't just you beside me, or the sound of the Seattle rain, or the impending doom of a pager... it was the way you smelled."

Deciding total honesty was bad, she left out the part where she had searched the internet for over an hour for someone who would deliver her a bottle of Callie's perfume to Malawi. Which was apparently an irrational request.

"Did you leave your mind in Malawi?" the question from Callie, soft and subtle.

Arizona snorted again, "Definite possibility."

They were silent for a while longer, the moment enveloping them, in the on-call room where memories swirled around like leaves in the fall. Arizona could feel herself lulling into sleep, when Callie soft, alluring voice broke the silence. "What do I smell like?"

Tough question. "Honesty? Or truth?"

"I didn't know that the two were mutually exclusive." She started. "Can I have both."

She'd already started on the straight honesty path, so she would continue on, taking the high road. Sighing she closed her eyes tight, and concentrated on inhaling the smell, focusing on the soft, the elusive and the bold. "Vanilla. Cinnamon. Some sort of berry. And something else that I couldn't identify... wouldn't want to." She paused, inhaling once more. "But truth... Sunshine. Happiness." She took another deep breath. "Our first kiss, even if it was in a dirty bar bathroom. You smell like the sunrise after a rainy night. Like possibility."

She paused, opening her eyes, and waited for Callie to respond. They had never been good at communication, except when things seemed to be circling the drain, and this much straight forward honesty wasn't the norm for them.

"I smell like a lot of things." She finally said on a whisper. Arizona could feel her smile, bringing out one of her own.

"Awesome things." She whispered back.

"Hey!" Came the quick response from the, now, short haired brunette.

"Sorry. It's my favorite adjective." She responded with a shrug, readjusting her hand on Callie's waist.

"I know. Whenever I heard it..." She paused, and Arizona could feel her smile fade a little, which saddened her that memories of her caused Callie sadness. "Whenever I heard it. I thought of you."

"Yeah?" She asked, the first, smallest sign of positive hope flaring to life in her chest.

"Yeah." Arizona felt her ex lovers smile come back.

"Callie?" It was the first time she had ever referred to the other woman by her commonly used nickname. Any time anyone, except her family, had tried to call her by her given name, they had been on the receiving end of a stare that was made to rival that of Miranda Bailey. Except her, and Arizona still didn't know the reason that Callie had permitted her to use the given name.

"No." Not the answer she was expecting.

With a frown she asked, "What?"

"I'm not... I'm not 'Callie' to you. It feels wrong for you to call me 'Callie'." Arizona sighed again, she couldn't agree more.

"Dr Torres?" the blond teased.

"Shut up." Callie laughed.

"Okay." She nodded.

They lapsed into silence once more, allowing it to fill the room. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, but had the distinct feel of two people who knew that words weren't necessary for communication. All they needed was the feel of their bodies pressed together, the feel of their beating hearts, the soft even breaths, and a silence that spoke a thousand words.

"Arizona?"

"Yes, Calliope." It felt monstrously right to call her that again, once again bringing a smile to her lips.

"I missed you."

She breathed a sigh, grabbing a fistful of Callie's scrub top and nuzzling her face deeper into her chest. "You have no idea."

"Nor do you." Callie replied nodding.

Feeling like she shouldn't waste this truth bubble that they seemed to be wrapped in, Arizona decided that it would be best to get more truth off her chest while Callie wasn't busy avoiding her, or running in the opposite direction.

"I don't blame you, you know."

"For what?"

"Sleeping with..." God this was painful. Maybe this was also a bad idea. "Sleeping with Mark."

Arizona felt to her very core the violent shake as Callie tensed, and quickly started rubbing circles on the woman's back as she responded tentatively, "You don't?"

She thought back to the moment Callie had said it. She could see the anger in the deep, brooding brown eyes, and she felt the self inflicted knife twist, and the brief triumph that flitted across her face would be forever etched into Arizona's mind, and instead of focusing on the memory of that moment, she chose her words carefully. "It's unbelievably painful," she gave her own shudder and relaxed greatly as Callie's own hand mirrored the ministrations that she was administering herself. "all my greatest fears come to life. My heart broke more when you told me, than when you shut the door, but no. It's my fault."

"But..." Arizona felt the hesitation, and slowed her ministrations hoping that it would prompt Callie to keep talking. "You weren't even there."

"Exactly." She should have been. She knew that know.

"I don't get it." Arizona cold hear the confusion in her bed mates voice.

Arizona sighed again, and started the small circles on Callie's back again. "Neither do I. But I'm not mad, nor do I have any right to be."

"No." Callie's response was quick, so quick that Arizona faltered, but didn't stop touching Callie, not when she was this close and not moving away. "No you don't."

"Are we forever doomed to be this tumultuous?" She whispered.

"Probably." Arizona still loved the way that Callie's breath and words felt upon her skin, even if they weren't exactly optimistic.

"That's unfortunate." She laughed.

"Not really." No hint of laughter in the Latina's voice.

"No?" She laughed hesitantly.

"No, because it means that we'll be together forever." Arizona could feel the smile that Callie was obviously trying to hide, and the spark of hope that had new life earlier was getting stronger by the second at the brunettes words.

"Right. Forever... except tumultuous." There were worse things a couple could be when they were together.

"Better than apart." Arizona loved the way that Callie gripped her tighter once more.

"Agreed." She sighed again, her entire body relaxed against Callie's, loving the way that everything felt both new and familiar, in that clichéd way that romance novels spout at the reunion of two once lovers. "Does this mean we're okay?"

Laughter met her ears, and for a moment she was shocked, but Callie's laugh had always been infectious, and Arizona could resist the drug it was. "Ha ha, oh Arizona. Not even close."

Still laughing, "I didn't think so." They laughed for a while, and when they laughter subsided, she added hopefully, "Is it a start?"

"Tiny human steps, Robbins. Tiny human steps." Arizona couldn't have stopped the smile that spread her cheeks if she had wanted to. She couldn't recall the number of times that she had been teased for calling her kids that, even by Callie, and to hear her use her moniker for the kids, sent her heart a tizzy.

"All right then, tiny human steps." She paused, gathering her courage, "Calliope, I'm gonna say the things I'm not supposed say."

"Tumultuous?" She asked, a note of humor in her voice, but Arizona took the fact that she didn't stop her as a good sign.

Taking a deep breath, she spoke more into Callie's shirt than she did into her face, but it was the only way she would have the confidence to say all that she wanted to. "I still love you. Despite being sorry, so incredibly sorry that guilt will forever plague me, sorry, because you're you, and you're awesome, and I love you. And even if our tiny human steps never take us to our tumultuous forever, you'll be awesome, and I'll still love you."

"Arizona." The blond could feel the brunettes smile as she took a deep breath after her rant.

"Yeah." She questioned, wondering what would be said.

"Stop talking." Arizona wondered if she would ever stop being surprised by this captivation, enticing, enigma of a woman.

"Right. Okay." She finally lifted her head out from her ex-lovers shirt and sighed, glad that they were still entwined together on the bed.

"'Zona?" At the familiar nickname, the softer whisper of the afternoon, she smiled holding tighter to her Calliope.

Instead of answering, she pulled away from her resting place and for the first time in two weeks, looked into the deep brown eyes that seemed as if they went on forever. Looking into Callie's eyes always felt safe, and yet exposed and that no matter happened outside those eyes, in her (Callie) eyes, Arizona would always be safe.

"I love you too." The brown orbs said the words were true, and the light flaring in her chest, tumultuous or not she tucked her head back against Callie's chest, inhaled the sunshine, felt her heartbeat and the soft kiss placed on her head, and closed her eyes. Wishing that this moment could last forever.

* * *

_Two authors notes! I know what you're thinking. But i just have to explain the inspiration behind this. And it isn't the broken heart, but that's a factor. All the fanfiction fallout from the ending of 7'10' has been apologetic, 'I left because I love you' and then just more door slamming. No, I don't expect Callie to just take Arizona back, though it would be nice, it's unrealistic. I wrote this because they belong together. They are good for each other. They are both just way to stupid and caught up in their own 'I'm a Rock Star' worlds. Uh... now I see why celebrity marriage is somewhat doomed, anyways. There was a quote from Criminal Minds that just kept popping up into my head with an image of Callie and Arizona cuddled on the bed._

_"There are things you don't want to happen; but have to accept, things you don't want to know, but have to learn, and people you can't live without, but have to let go."_

_Take from that what you will._


End file.
